Life does not stop after divorce, it begins anew!
I read this article in Huff Post recently stating women want to be rescued. The article cited a 2011 survey of 1,000 New York City singles that were on Match.com. The women surveyed were asked the professions they found most desirable in men and the two highest answers were “firefighter” and “Wall Street executive”. According to the researchers, this was evidence that women do like to be rescued.
I do think there is some truth in women wanting to be rescued, which I will get into, but not based off of that “research”. I mean, after all there are other possible explanations. It’s no surprise that women like men in uniforms and men that are physically fit. Firemen would fit both of those requirements. Executives typically wear suits and ties, which could be a quasi-uniform, one that I happen to find extremely attractive. But the idea that women want to be rescued based on that information alone, doesn’t sound very scientific or accurate to me.
Historically women have been portrayed as wanting to be rescued. In fact, women are conditioned to believing it, just think back to childhood fairy tales where women have typically been rescued. Though Disney has been doing a great job in recent years at changing those mores by developing young women characters that are the rescuers themselves.
I believe the issue is much bigger than women wanting to be rescued. Maybe both genders succumb to being the rescuer and/or the rescued because it’s part nature and nurture. Girls are brought up hearing that they are “daddy’s little girl” which reinforces the notion that they should depend on, and lean on a manly figure. Boys also hear while growing up, “when daddy’s not home you’re the man of the house.” These statements strengthen the natural instincts in both genders.
Perhaps it is a co-rescuer condition. After all, men like to be rescuers, and what woman would deny help from a willing and able man? Men cannot resist a damsel in distress. They would never leave a situation where a woman was in need of rescue? Even if they don’t know the woman.
This is because it is in their DNA. Men are natural protectors, hunters and fixers. Therefore, when they see a damsel in distress, their immediate instinct is to act like Prince Charming and ride to the rescue. I’m not saying that men don’t like independent women, because they certainly do, but they do like feeling needed.
So perhaps co-rescuing is in our DNA. Perhaps women at times like to be rescued and men like to do the rescuing.
This is not to say that women need or want to be victims, but it is nice to have the person you love pick up the slack for you and take care of you sometimes. Nor do men want to be saddled with the ever-consuming needy woman, but they would like to be their women’s hero every now and then.
For years’ feminists have been touting that women can bring home the bacon, cook it, and eat it themselves. But is that what women truly want? We know we can do it all, but do we really want to do it all? For all the good that came forth from the feminist movement, one of the negatives is guilt. If a woman is content being a homemaker and mother, she is frowned upon as though she isn’t living up to her potential, hence feeling guilty she isn’t doing her part.
Having been on both sides of that coin, I can tell you all that matters is being happy within yourself. If you are happy working, then work. If you are happy staying home, and can afford to do so, then do it.
So what is the bottom line?
Women can do it all, but sometimes they want the man, or woman in their life to rescue them from life’s pressures. They don’t want to always be the planners, the decision makers or the social calendar. They want their spouse to step up and take over at times and they want to be comforted, and made to feel that they are loved and treasured.
Men too want to feel loved, but they also want to be needed. And while men will gladly help any damsel in distress because of the sheer fact that they are men, they want to help their very own damsel in distress even more. Men love knowing that the woman in their life needs them to come along and rescue them when they find themselves in a difficult situation.
And let’s be honest, ladies, deep down, long before we were told we had to be feminists or men would walk all over us, we did like to be rescued from time to time. I know I love having my very own knight in shining armor when I need him to slay dragons for me; of course I’m speaking metaphorically.
In this day and age, it’s truly imperative for women to be independent and self-sufficient, but if we believe in loving relationships it is also imperative to let your man know you need him. And every now and then, ask his opinion to help you with a problem so he will feel loved and appreciated, and in turn, you both will be fulfilling your internal instincts.
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Has been writing most of her adult life on various topics important to women and children. If you are contemplating divorce, then you should check out her e-book.