Life does not stop after divorce, it begins anew!
One of the dangers of divorce, is the after. After divorce our views on marriage and on relationships may sour, or at the very least, change. You may have given your heart and soul, only to have had it pounced on and nearly destroyed. When this happens, we tend to develop trust issues. We question ourselves, we question our choices, and we question our very own belief systems.
Don’t you wish you could go back to the person you were before you had heartbreak or were betrayed by a person you trusted?
Since your divorce, you may have built walls around your emotions. This was probably out of necessity so you could get through another day. But at some point the thought of dating again and/or finding a partner may be something you want to have in your life again.
So then how do you know whether or not you can trust someone new who enters your life?
Well the only way to know that is if you trust yourself. Have you forgiven yourself from your previous marriage or relationship? Do you still go back and relive how you were taken advantage of; or how you ignored the signs? If you do, then you have work to do before getting involved again because you will begin the new relationship with trepidation and a closed heart.
When you learn to trust yourself again, trust with others will follow. Trust is a living, breathing entity. It is a learned behavior that we gain from past experiences. It is not an emotion, but we certainly get our emotions all jumbled into trust. Trusting is a decision you must make knowing there aren’t any guarantees that you will be hurt again.
If we trust ourselves first and foremost, it allows us to deal with the mistakes of others with a little more grace and ease. If you know that no matter what – no matter what your partner does, no matter what challenges arise – you are going to be okay, then trusting is going to be easier to do (Shelly Bullard, 2013).
Now, let’s say you have put the past in the past; wouldn’t you want a fresh start? Wouldn’t you want the person interested in you to not assume the worst? Trusting is not about choosing the right person because we do not know if they are the right person or not unless we try.
So if you are ready to plunge forward but are scared to trust, what can you do?
You make an informed decision about the person and you go for it. Jump in and have faith. When we decide to trust someone it means we believe in their integrity and we know that the person’s intentions are good. It doesn’t mean that they won’t make mistakes, because we all are imperfect.
Keep your expectations high: keep the past in the past. Look at a new relationship as a fresh start. And instead of thinking you need to build trust with the new person, why not try and assume trust upon the first date? Crazy idea, isn’t it?
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Has been writing most of her adult life on various topics important to women and children. If you are contemplating divorce, then you should check out her e-book.