Life does not stop after divorce, it begins anew!
I recently lost someone very dear to me, my boyfriend’s father Andy. Having lost my own father ten years before, his presence filled a void that I felt. However, it was much more than that because I truly enjoyed his company and the many stories he loved to share. He was both a father figure to me and just an incredible human being. He was an avid reader, world traveler, an esteemed architect (semi-retired at the age of 89), and a person of high moral character. He was a husband, married to the same woman for 60 years, a father, grandfather, uncle and friend. A man who touched all the lives he met with his warm heart, gentle soul, and his kind eyes.
I recently graduated with my Master’s, and Andy always made it a priority to ask me about school and would seek updates. He truly wanted to know about the classes I was taking and I know he was quite proud of me just like a father would be. We both loved to write and he would often show me his latest writings as well as older ones, truth is: we were never at a loss for words between us. The last year however, many of our conversations were more about health issues and doctor visits, but he always remained an optimist.
I felt his loss at the funeral, as did all of his family; even my own children were saddened. He had a unique gift that made everyone around him feel special. The loss of a loved one is very much like life: a journey. Everyone deals with grief differently and it is truly a personal thing. That said, there are stages of grief that everyone goes through which I will post at the end. Having experienced the loss of my own father I do know that coping with grief takes time, sometimes help from others, and the understanding that grieving isn’t easy. I also know that waves of sadness hit at the most inopportune times. Seeing a woman my age sitting with her father in a diner has caused me to break down, as has the many times I went to call my father before the realization hit that I couldn’t.
The thing about grief is just when you think you have passed the hurdle something unfortunately brings you back down. We must realize that the journey of grief is one that is solitary. Each of us feels the pain differently. No one can feel the hole that remains in your heart after a profound loss, and no one else can mourn the silence that was once filled with conversation and laughter. Love touches every person in a unique way and comfort comes from knowing that others have made the same journey and have come out of it. And peace comes from understanding how life continues and that hope springs eternal.
May you rest in peace Andy and know your life touched so many people and that you will be eternally missed and deeply loved. Xoxoxo
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Has been writing most of her adult life on various topics important to women and children. If you are contemplating divorce, then you should check out her e-book.