Couples go through ups and downs as boyfriend and girlfriend and then as husband and wife. It’s the natural ebb and flow of relationships.
But before you say, “I do”, it’s a really good idea to examine how you and your partner get along.
Do you fight often? Are you always together and never have time apart? Do you enjoy being with each other or do you count the minutes until they leave?
Couples that can go the distance have to have a genuine like and respect for each other. They have to be compatible. Plus, they need to have outside interests other than each other. It helps keep the relationship fresh and exciting.
Sometimes long-term couples go through a rough patch. But the idea of breaking up is too painful to bear. Taking a break or separating for a short while can actually be good for some couples. When our families and friends hear about this, most people conclude that the couple are breaking up. But that is not necessarily the way it has to go.
Taking a break can be a catalyst for change. If the relationship is on a downward spiral, it can be a healthy option. It’s not meant to be a time to date others however. It should be a time to observe what it is that you’re missing when they aren’t with you.
After all, we do tend to lose ourselves in our relationships and we sometimes need to reign it back to be sure we are on the right path. However, do not let it drag on too long. You may find that while you were finding yourself, your love has found someone else.
While you are on your break, it’s a good idea to think long and hard at some of these red flags that may plague your relationship.
1. Your partner doesn’t take responsibility for their part in an argument.
2. Your partner depends on you too much for their own happiness.
3. You do not like their family and/or friends.
4. All their exes are “crazy”.
5. When every date must be about spending and going somewhere. Couples need time to just be and relax.
6. Keeps a scorecard about everything you have said or done that they don’t like.
7. They do not have any hobbies except YOU.
8. They are always making you a last priority or an afterthought and put you down often.
9. They have constant mood swings. (This is a biggie since it only gets worse after marriage).
10. Wants to control all aspects of your life.
11. Constantly jealous when you are talking to someone of the opposite sex.
12. If all your friends and family (whom you love and trust) truly dislike your partner, it’s beyond a red flag. It’s a clear sign.
Taking a trial separation is not synonymous with lack of love and/or lack of desire to be with your significant other down the line. You both may realize that you need counseling to work through your issues. On the other hand, if the end result does turn out to be a terminal break up as one or both of you decide to go your separate ways, bear in mind that it’s probably for the best.
Has been writing most of her adult life on various topics important to women and children. If you are contemplating divorce, then you should check out her e-book.
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