To Stay or Not to Stay

The question as to stay or not stay in a marriage has no doubt haunted married people since the beginning of time. Although before the 1900s very few women had the ability to leave without leaving everything behind, even their children.

The very question as “to stay or not to stay” can gnaw at your very core, until you are left with no other option, but to do something about it. It isn’t gender specific, nor is it a case of the have or have nots. However, research has shown that more women make the first move toward divorce and file motions more often than men do to get out of their marriages, and those in the lower income brackets tend to stay more out of necessity. Most have realized by now that happily ever after is a myth of what fairy tales are made from, but should we have to give up on being happy?
 
Are you too haunted by the question: To Stay or Not?

The question whether to stay or not looms large for so many of us. It haunted me for many years before I took decisive action. But the one thing I know more than anything is: it’s not an easy step to take nor is it an easy decision to make. Why? Because there are so many factors and emotions at play simultaneously.

While I was contemplating leaving my marriage in 2010, I googled and searched the internet for a “tell-all, how-to-know” guide. I scoured self-help books for signs, for some kind of a list to HELP me decide whether I was doing the right thing or not. Not just for me, but for my children too. And, that is what prompted me to write a book on the subject to help others in a similar situation.

You might be thinking that there are so many great books out there right now and you’re right, there are. I had found several great self-help books, by authors such as Beverly Engel, Patricia Evans, Robin Norwood, and many others, sharing information on emotional and verbal abuse, addictions, guides on how to divorce, how to save a broken marriage and on and on it went.

Though these books gave me valuable information, some of which were very helpful to me for my situation, I never truly found that answer I was searching for. After much soul-searching, and staying in the marriage way longer than I should have, I eventually found my answer from within and so can you.

By writing this book, it is my intention to guide you in your quest to find that answer from within, that only you can know. To assist you in deciding if your marriage is salvageable, or sadly, if it is time to leave.

This book is non-clinical in content since I am not a clinician, though having been through the process with an extremely difficult ex, I know exactly how you feel. I am on the path to becoming a relationship coach and have helped countless women, referred to me by friends and family, on the “ins and outs” of divorce and I can help you too.

I maintain a blog titled www.afterdivorce.net, and I am a contributing writer for www.divorcedmoms.com and www.divorceforce.com.  I have had articles in HuffPost Divorce, Ravishly, and The Good Men’s Project.

But most importantly, I know how you feel. I’ve been there, stuck in the mud feeling like there is no way to get out.

In my book, you will read about:

• My story and the stories of others
• Some marital and divorce statistics
• Differences in successful and unsuccessful marriages
• Stages in relationships
• How relationships fall apart, from the benign to the malignant
• Why trust and respect must exist in your marriage
• Why you must trust your instincts
• Why staying for children isn’t always wise
• Is your marriage salvageable or is it time to leave
• What to do after your decision, and much more               

     
This book is for you if you are anything like me, and need to weigh all the good and the bad ad nauseam before deciding ANYTHING, especially REALLY BIG THINGS!!

If you have spent time scouring the Internet for a “how-to-know” guide to know if leaving your marriage is the right thing to do, or a list of TELL TALE signs, or whether your thought process is valid, then you are looking in the RIGHT place.

The sole purpose of this book is to help you see if your marriage is salvageable or if it is time to leave. By no means is this an anti-marriage book. I believe in marriage and have faith that it can be, and is for many, a fully satisfying coupling of two people who love each other.

I would like to add however, that if you are contemplating leaving your marriage for another person, then you are not giving your marriage a fair shake. Being emotionally involved with someone else muddies the waters and certainly the emotions. If you have children, then you owe it to them to make a decision whereby you can ultimately be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you did everything in your power to save your marriage and your children from undue hurt.

Believe me, I am not judging, I am just trying to save you regret. Many people I have known and talked with, usually have remorse after the fact that they left their marriage for someone else. Especially since the relationship they left their marriage for rarely works out and their relationship with their families and their children tend to have negative consequences attached for the long haul. 

 P.S. Do you need further help?
 
I offer a mentoring service for the separated or divorced woman who needs to move forward in some area of her life. Since we are all different, there is not a one size fits all in most marriages and divorces, therefore we can all use individualized assistance to gain a different perspective.
 
How I can be of help?
 
Perhaps you need to talk with someone confidentially, outside of family and friends.
 
We can set up a convenient time to talk for 30 minutes. I will then follow-up with a detailed email with personalized recommendations for your next steps.

If you read the book and are interested in talking further check it out on my products page.

Whatever you decide, I wish you peace and love on your journey. xoxo
 

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