Life does not stop after divorce, it begins anew!
Every time I hear that Eagles song, Already Gone I blast it. I can completely identify with the lyrics. Before filing for divorce, many years were spent trying to make my marriage work. But at some point when you are in a dissolving marriage, the question whether to stay or not to stay takes over your daily thoughts and there is nothing left to do but make a decision.
Getting to that decision is difficult and everyone has their own journey they must embark on. However, once that decision is made, whichever you decide, you will feel lighter. The strain and stress will not feel as heavy as it did. If the decision was to leave your marriage, you may be already gone in your head, but it is during this time that you must be diligent and focused on what lies ahead.
When I was divorcing my ex, we lived in the same house. His lawyer told him to stay and my lawyer told me not to leave. Living in the same house with a constantly angry man (which existed before the divorce filing) was fraught with constant worry and anxiety. The living conditions were combustible. Because of this, I didn’t think through certain financial particulars in the divorce agreement because my immediate concerns were safety and sanity. I needed to get out. His daily mind games were off the charts: emptying packed boxes of mine, storming into whatever room I was in with a glaring angry demeanor, starting arguments with me or my son then calling the police on us, and on and on it went.
Since I was the one who needed to get out for sanity, he kept the mind games going so that I would cave and give in to significant issues in the agreement that are now coming to haunt me. I am writing this hoping I can save you from the same fate. You have to keep focused on what is ahead. The choice you make today will impact you until your children are grown. If you cannot live with something, do not think, “I will change it later.” It’s nearly impossible to change an order and costly to boot.
When your heart is already gone, keep your head focused by concentrating on these 5 things:
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