Life does not stop after divorce, it begins anew!
I read this article yesterday from the Wall Street Journal, written by Nona Sovich titled “Divorced and Sharing a Home.” Yes, you read the title correct; couples are divorcing and sharing a home, or really sharing two homes. The premise is to have shared 50/50 custody and each parent takes care of the kids in their marital home for a week, then the other parent steps in or switches places for a week and so on. In many of these cases the divorced couple has another “shared” space, typically a one-bedroom rental that the parent who is off for the week from the kids goes to. They believe this helps the children adjust by keeping them in their own home.
The benefits are supposed to be that the children get to stay in their home with both parents, albeit not at the same time. It is designed to give the kids stability during this difficult time, but ironically most therapists are not even on board with this since it seems confusing, especially for younger kids. The young kids cannot understand where mommy or daddy are all week.
All I can say is “Wow!” I do not need to be an expert to know that this will not work for the long haul. Advocates for it praise the concept saying that both economics and better parenting are leading people to think of divorce in new ways.
Apparently, this new-fangled arrangement is being called “nesting,” which sounds an awful lot like Gwyneth Paltrow’s “uncoupling” to me. In fact, the article points to a divorce attorney who claims she has seen an increase in nesting over the last year. “Parents are drawn to the ease of slipping out of their marriage without making hard choices about custody or selling the house.”
I am not a professional here, but does anyone see what’s wrong with this idea? It seems to me that the parents are just putting off the inevitable. Let’s all dance around the fact that mommy and daddy are divorced. Let’s protect the children from the reality that will have to smack them in the face eventually when the parents can no longer stand the insane arrangement.
Can you imagine dating someone who is divorced and you go to their one-bedroom apartment and find out that their ex also lives there every other week? That would make me steer clear from that person.
Seriously, why can’t these do-gooders do something good other than mess with a perfectly good divorce? Who the heck wants to be further tied, for however long, to the guy or gal you are divorcing? I mean, seriously, who? And, where do you keep all your personal stuff? Carry it back and forth each week? And please enlighten me as to how this benefits the children? It seems quite contradictory and confusing to me and I’m an adult. The benefit is for the parents. Mommy and daddy can now have two weeks off a month to live their life and screw someone else. Why not just stay together and have an open marriage?
Sharing the family home with your ex who you no longer are married to is just about the most insane idea I have heard in a long while.
Would love to hear your comments.
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Has been writing most of her adult life on various topics important to women and children. If you are contemplating divorce, then you should check out her e-book.