Life does not stop after divorce, it begins anew!
With divorce, change is inevitable. If you have children, many adjustments will have to be made in your daily lives, and routines will also need to be amended. The unknown is always frightening as many women, and men, forge into this new role of “divorcee” with much trepidation. It is, of course, understandable since one day you are legally married and the very next day you’re divorced. Everything you knew, good, bad, or otherwise is new territory and the unknown can make us all anxious.
If I could sit and talk with you over coffee or wine, I would reassure you that you are going to be okay. You will get through this, even though you may doubt your every decision and feel like you are at an impasse from the pain and hurt. The doubt and pain won’t go away overnight, but I promise you will be okay. In fact, not only okay but you will be stronger and more vibrant than ever! No, this is not a sales pitch for some new product (it did sound like it, though) but it is your fresh chance at starting over.
However, even fresh starts can have bumpy beginnings and feelings of uncertainty, even if you initiated the divorce. Some of your feelings may take you by surprise – since you thought for sure you were over him or her, you will be startled to realize you still feel betrayed, alone, frightened, overwhelmed, and angry. After so many years as a couple and a family, being put in the position of having to start all over again with new and different rules than were in place before can feel insurmountable. But I promise you – it will get better!
I’m sure many of you are just nodding your head and perhaps rolling your eyes thinking – who cares about better, I’m just trying to survive here – and I get it. Survival is the initial focus, and day by day you will get through it. The first weeks and months your children and work will keep you grounded and the occasional night out with friends will be good for your healing soul. Then as the veil of darkness begins to lift, you will see the sun shining, you will notice people smiling, and the greenery will appear greener as you begin to settle into life on your own.
With each passing day, you will focus less and less on your spouse’s betrayal or verbal abuse. You will be elated walking through your own front door knowing you no longer have to tiptoe around your angry spouse, explain why you spent $250 at Target this month, or why dinner is not on the table. You will be free to play with your children and make noise without the ex-shushing and getting annoyed. You will be free to have friends over whenever you want – basically, you will be free to come and go as you please without answering to ANYONE.
For some of us it can be the first time we are on our own, and after that initial fear dissipates, an elation or a freedom hits us like never before. And, like Mary Tyler Moore in the opening credits of her television show of the same name from the 1970s, we will want to throw our hat in the air with joy knowing we “are making it after all.”
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