To Stay or Not to Stay: How to Know When it’s Time to Leave Your Marriage?
The question as to stay or not stay has no doubt haunted married people since the beginning of time. Although before the 1900s very few women had the ability to leave without leaving everything behind, even their children. The very question as “to stay or not to stay” can gnaw at your very core, until you are left with no other option, but to do something about it. It isn’t gender specific, nor is it a case of the have or have nots. However, research has shown that more women make the first move toward divorce and file motions more often than men do to get out of their marriages, and those in the lower income brackets tend to stay more out of necessity. Most have realized by now that happily ever after is a myth of what fairy tales are made from, but should we have to give up on being happy?
The question whether to stay or not however, looms large for so many of us. It haunted me for many years before I took decisive action. But the one thing I know more than anything is: it’s not an easy step to take nor is it an easy decision to make. Why? Because there are so many factors and emotions at play simultaneously.
The main reason I decided to write this e-book, which is easily downloadable and inexpensive, is because while I was contemplating leaving my marriage in 2010, I googled and searched the internet for a “tell-all, how-to-know” guide. I scoured self-help books for signs, for something of a list to HELP me decide whether I was doing the right thing or not. Not just for me, but for my children too.
I had found several great self-help books, by authors such as Beverly Engel, Patricia Evans, Robin Norwood, and many others, sharing information on emotional and verbal abuse, addictions, guides on how to divorce, how to save a broken marriage and on and on it went. Though these books gave me valuable information, some of which were very helpful to me for my situation, I never truly found that answer I was searching for. After much soul-searching, and staying in the marriage way longer than I should have, I eventually found my answer from within and left my marriage. I am finally in a great, happy place and because of that, and my vast experience, I am in the position to help others who are looking for answers.
By writing this e-book, it is my intention to guide you in your quest to find that answer from within, that only you can know. To assist you in deciding if your marriage is salvageable, or sadly, if it is time to leave.
This book is non-clinical in content since I am not a clinician, though having been through the process, I do think of myself as a bit of an expert on the topic. I have helped countless women, referred to me by friends and family, on the “ins and outs” of divorce. Having been to three marriage counselors over the course of a five-year span, I can tell a quack from a good therapist from a mile away. I have had the good fortune of having read numerous books on the topics of divorce, parenting, healing, abuse, and love, much of which I have retained since it is my passion. In fact, while completing my Masters in Communication, I conducted research on the difficulties and the causes of marital communication breakdown. So, though I am NOT an expert, I am quite knowledgeable and experienced.
I also maintain a blog titled www.afterdivorce.net, and I am a contributing author for www.divorcedmoms.com and I have written for HuffPost Divorce.
In this e-book, you will read about:
If you have spent time scouring the Internet for a “how-to-know” guide to know if leaving your marriage is the right thing to do, or a list of TELL TALE signs, or whether your thought process is valid, then you are looking in the RIGHT place.
The sole purpose of this book is to help you see if your marriage is salvageable or if it is time to leave. By no means is this an anti-marriage book. I believe in marriage and have faith that it can be, and is for many, a fully satisfying coupling of two people who love each other.
I would like to add however, that if you are contemplating leaving your marriage for another person, then you are not giving your marriage a fair shake. Being emotionally involved with someone else muddies the waters and certainly the emotions. If you have children, then you owe it to them to make a decision whereby you can ultimately be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you did everything in your power to save your marriage and your children from undue hurt. Believe me, I am not judging, I am just trying to save you regret. Many people I have known and talked with, usually have remorse after the fact that they left their marriage for someone else. Especially since the relationship they left their marriage for rarely works out and their relationship with their families and their children tend to have negative consequences attached for the long haul.
This book is primarily written with married folks in mind; however, this can be for any long-term committed couple cohabiting together. For the purposes of the book I use the term “spouse”, but it can easily mean partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. Furthermore, I do not believe this is only for heterosexuals, since love relationships affect us all.
Come along this journey with me as you figure out your plan of action and what to do next. I would suggest buying a small notebook, journal size, to keep track of your thoughts and emotions, as you go through each chapter. I kept a journal my whole marriage, and it has helped me tremendously to arrive at the place I am today.
Let’s get started …
You can purchase the E-book here: https://www.amazon.com/Stay-Not-Know-Leave-Marriage-ebook/dp/B06XJS7NQX
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